- Keep them waiting outside the front door while you stand right inside shouting and swearing loudly on the phone, then later mention that the session didn't start on time so you don't feel you're getting the full period shooting.
- begin the shoot (after barely a hello) by staring rudely at each model, listing aloud any perceived flaws or challenges.
- insult one model's hair colour and rant excessively about a previous victim's freckles.
- offer wine/beer 4 times in the space of a two hour shoot. And a whip.
- Spend a large part of the shoot photographing either up-nostril or downwards onto the models, paying little heed to any ideas of perspective or where the light is falling at any given moment and making sure to get at least 15 high-speed, near identical fires of each pose.
- spontaneously give free (misguided) critique and career advice to one of the best and popular international nude models around.
- admit, towards the end of the shoot, that the models are 'not bad, actually'.
- suggest implied non-consensual sex as shoot concept.
- ask, after all of the above, if either model would be interested in a second shoot sometime.
... Seriously, it's so extremely rare (as you can tell) that I don't love my shoots it became a comedy. We couldn't stop laughing by the end.
And to balance things out with a wonderful experience, here's something from two days ago, by Bjorn Hansen, who was creative, positive and pleasant, and whose request for a second shoot I very much hope to be able to take up!!